Change is hard.
Growth is hard.
It is uncomfortable.
It nags at you.
It pulls at you in new and uncomfortable ways.
You don’t know what it is until you realise that all of the expanding, heart-opening, life-affirming change that is happening in you, around you, is WHY your body aches.
Your insides feel an un-easy energy.

The thing is, it also feels optimistic.
If you let it.
If you keep yourself open to it.
Cos you know it’s gonna be worth it.
If you can call it growth.
You know that it hurts, know that it’s worth it.
You CAN lean in.
Listen to yourself.
Listen to the universe.
Let go of what you thought it was supposed to be like.
What you were told to expect.
What others expect of you.

If you can slowly let that fall off you, then you are left in the new.
The change.
The future.
And the trickiest part is for you to acknowledge it is happening and that you want it to happen.
You asked to be woken up.
You chose this.
You want things to change.

Because you were not happy.
You didn’t know why or how, but you weren’t.
You knew there was something more and now it is showing itself to you.
And you are surprised that it’s going to be hard to fight for?
It is a fight.
It is a push back against the easy.
Against straight forward.
A fight against expected.

You are creating a new normal.
A new version.
A better fit.
And the thing that you know to be true is that eventually this will be the new easy.
And something else will come along and challenge the shit out of you.
And you will be probably be surprised that it hurts then too.
Because you will feel like you’ve done the work.
The growing.
Because you are a slow learner.
A visceral, tactile, feel it in your bones, kind of learner.
Because you are a human.
And that is how this works.
Short term hurt, long term amazing-ness.
Take it on.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could just know everything, clock human-ness and just be done?
No. Not really.
Because the fun happens in the learning, in the challenges, in the in-between.
In the celebration of moving through it and sucking up the f*ck ups.

Push back against the easy.
Listen to yourself.
Lean in to the new normal.

Sarelizah x

14th September 2015, on actual paper after laptop crash, in some random bar in Times Square, after my first NYC plus life, chest constricting panic.